


Fears Old and New

by SlinkySpiders



Series: TFA One-Shot Collection [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo - Freeform, Drama, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, de-aged kylo, force torture, hux is so v tired and confused and kylo is so v scared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 09:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6978262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlinkySpiders/pseuds/SlinkySpiders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While investigating a planet for the presence of the Resistance, Kylo is doused with a poison that reverts his mind back to that of a child. Now it seems it’s up to Hux to deal with the young Knight while they wait for Kylo to return to his adult state. And if his normal duties weren’t enough already, now he has to deal with a kid who is convinced he’s been captured by the “scary man in his head,” and that Hux is his only hope of escape.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fears Old and New

**Author's Note:**

> I'm honored to have participated in the Kylux Big Bang 2016! Thank you all for your love and dedication, I hope you enjoy this story and all the rest involved in the Big Bang! <3 
> 
> \- Bam

There was the image of a child, no older than six, with arms lined with scratches (built up in sleep as he thrashed around in a desperate attempt to rip out the ‘coldness’ crawling up his skin) and eyes wet with tears.

There was also a woman, tired and concerned, at his side. Her hands shook as she held him in her arms and petted his hair. 

Kylo realized he was looking at a very old memory. One he had buried underneath his decisions and the grasp of the First Order. It was dark and murky, like it had been burned and tossed away, but he could still feel his mother’s hands on his back and the sting of his skin against the cool, night air. He wondered, distantly, why he was remembering this now. He didn’t remember where he had been before that-he- 

“Ren! Ren come on!” A voice shot through his mind, urgent and harsh, but Kylo couldn’t find the strength to answer it.

Suddenly, that child looked up at him and Kylo froze at the heaviness of his gaze. He felt pity for someone so young suffering so much before he realized it was foolish to pity himself. 

The image slipped away again. 

xx

“What’s going on!” Hux yelled in alarm.

Mitaka hastily answered him even though his arms were full of a convulsing Kylo Ren, “He was interrogating a local for information about the Resistance. I-I don’t know what happened, sir-”

“Where’s that local now?” Hux questioned. 

A stormtrooper approached him with a blaster in hand “We have him in custody sir.”

“Bring him to me,” Hux snapped. The trooper saluted sharply before running off and returning with a heap of a human being. Hux was slightly grateful he wouldn’t have to negotiate with someone who didn’t know Basic. Although he was fluent in many languages, he didn’t need any extra stress. Kylo was plenty. 

The man looked up at him and Hux was surprised at how old he was. How could such an aged person cause this much harm to one of the supposedly most powerful Dark-users in the galaxy? What was even more surprising was that the man didn’t seem worn at all, as if he was kneeling to receive a blessing instead of a beating. Hux swore under his breath and kicked the man in the stomach harshly.

“What did you do to him?” Hux questioned. 

The man let out a gasp at the blow but stayed steady, “I’ve given him a new perspective.”

“Don’t be foolish,” Hux barked, “You don’t understand what kind of situation you’re in.”

The man smirked, “You’re going to torture me and then kill me right? Go ahead. You’re just a phase of the galaxy.”

Hux pinched the bridge of his noise in irritation. He didn’t have the patience to deal with this cryptic, vague nonsense. He took a brief glance at Kylo who had finally stopped thrashing and was now laying limp in Mitaka’s grasp (who was positively white with fear). His hand was just laying on his saber and Hux would not take any officer’s death lightly if he decided to throw a tantrum. He hoped it wouldn’t come to that. 

He looked at the man again, “Tell us what you gave him. A poison? Toxin? You’re going to die either way, you might as well be useful before that.”

The man frowned, “He’s not going to die, I’ll tell you that.”

“What a relief,” Hux stated sarcastically.

“Oh? So the Order isn’t as friendly as we all thought? I assumed the legendary Kylo Ren was respected throu-”

Hux slapped the man on the side of his head, ending his snarky banter. His anxiety was beginning to boil into anger and he wasn’t willing to let it get any further than that. He had actually left his post to respond to “Kylo Ren is down sir!! He’s having a seizure sir!!!” and cut out a meeting with the Supreme Leader, but he wasn’t about to let this mess ruin his entire day. 

“Troopers,” Hux turned so that his back faced the man, “Get it out of him. I don’t care how.”

They nodded before dragging the man away again, his mouth open in a deep exclamation.

“You may find he’s a little more immature when he wakes up!” 

Hux huffed loudly and turned back to the issue at hand. Kylo was still unconscious which was probably a bad thing, Hux mused. At least Mitaka had the common sense to elevate Kylo’s head with his bundled up officer’s jacket. When Hux arrived Kylo let out a deep moan. That damned helmet was probably suffocating him. He understood the purpose of as a means to keep Ren’s expression revealing how he truly felt (and also frustrating the hell out of Hux whenever he was undressing Kylo during one of their occasional, passion-fueled trysts). 

He squatted and reached for the switches on the back of the helmet that released puffs of curly hair and that unfairly gorgeous face Hux spent so many hours agonizing about. Mitaka looked stunned as Hux assumed he had never seen Ren without his mask before and only managed to close his mouth when Hux sent him a rather pointed stare.

“Sorry sir,” Mitaka mumbled.

“Blast, I thought he might be dead,” Hux muttered.

“We aren’t that lucky, sir,” Mitaka joked.

Mitaka’s lips curled in on themselves when Hux didn’t reply, not amused by Mitaka’s attempt at socializing. 

“We live for the Order, don’t forget that,” Hux lectured, but his tone wasn’t as sharp as it could’ve been.

“My apologies,” Mitaka replied quickly.

“Where’s the medical droid?” Hux questioned.

“On it’s way, sir. I just comm’d for it a few moments ago,” Mitaka explained.

“Well, we should try to wake him up. I don’t know what that fool fed him, but the longer he’s unconscious the worse it may be,” Hux explained.

He grabbed Kylo and let his thumbs rest on the small peeks of skin of Kylo’s pale shoulders. He shook the man gently, his fingers wrapping themselves in the folds of the Knight’s cloak. 

“Ren! Ren come on!”

Kylo didn’t wake but instead groaned lightly and turned his face as so his lips were just grazing the tops of Hux’s thumbs. They were soft and warm against Hux’s skin and he cursed his own pasty complexion for immediately breaking out into a peachy blush. Mitaka must’ve been sending him an odd look but he disregarded it. He knew the officer was much too dedicated and timid to spread rumors. 

“Wake up!” Hux yelled. 

He heard the hiss of the medical droid as it arrived from a separate shuttle (he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t brought one with him to begin with and he made a note to requisition for additional droids in all of their shuttles) and let out a deep breath. He placed Kylo back onto Mitaka’s clothes and reluctantly released his grip on Kylo’s shoulders.

“Sir,” The droid reported. 

“Take him to the med-bay,” Hux instructed, “Also, test his blood for poisons and then send me a full report on his condition.”

As Kylo’s body was lifted up onto the stretcher, the droid clamped one of it’s long, creaky hands onto Kylo’s forearm. The Knight’s eyes shot open then and he almost threw himself off the small stretcher and onto the dirt in an epic fit. Mitaka and Hux both leapt to their feet to keep Kylo from getting a concussion. His eyes were glassy and unfocused as if he was stuck in the grasp of some sort of fever so Hux quickly lifted a gloved hand to his forehead, but found no such heat. 

The med droid watched them carefully from the ship. Eventually, Kylo’s eyes closed again and he deflated. Mitaka and Hux slowly removed their grip, fingers still tight with fading adrenaline. Kylo moaned again before his eyes opened for a moment more, just a tiny space in time, and he spoke to Hux directly.

“Don’t let him get me, mom.”

“Fuck.” 

xx

When Ben opened his eyes he was immediately met with unfamiliar grey. The ceiling spanned on for ages, interrupted only by small, circular lights. He could hear the beeps of droids around him, but they were only slight. A larger hum overrode their small chorus and Ben suddenly shivered violently. 

Was he on a ship? It didn’t feel like the Falcon or any of his mom’s command ships ( he was rarely allowed on them anyways). Those were much warmer too. 

This-this was cold. 

When he turned his head to look for a viewport, he was meet with more and more grey. Whatever this place was, it was a little disconcerting. He didn’t want to be here. He needed to find his mother. She’d probably know what was going on. He looked back up at the ceiling and sighed loudly. 

A door hissed open to his right and Ben came face to face with the sullenest ginger he had ever met (not like he had met many gingers before that-but still). The man stiffly walked into the room as if his clothes were lined with sharp wires just inches away from slicing up his skin. He approached Ben’s bed and Ben regarded him with wide, slightly apprehensive eyes. 

Another set of footsteps tore Ben’s gaze away from the ginger and set them on the shiniest, kind of cool look-

A stormtrooper! 

Ben shouted loudly and pushed himself up on the bed, his feet scrambling to find purchase while he desperately pawed at the IV in his arm. The stormtrooper stopped walking but it did nothing to pause his racing heart. 

He’d been taken from his mom! This must be that man’s ship because only he had stormtroopers nowadays. Scary looking ones at that. His mother had spoken of the Empire’s troopers with a hollow sort of regret that always left Ben shaken. Now, there was one right next to him. He could see a blaster on it’s hip and he shouted again, this time managing to rip out the IV and tumble off the bed.

The ginger was at his side at an instance, face ripped up in concern. Ben felt his fear still a little.

“Captain! Get out! You’ve obviously triggered something,” He shouted.

“My apologi-”

He waved her away, “Let me calm him down. Please, leave.”

Ben waited for the sound of her steps to fade and the careful hiss of the door before he threw himself into the man’s arms, shaking fiercely. He didn’t know where he was, or who this man was, or why there were stormtroopers and it absolutely terrified him.

And he felt so cold. So, so cold. He couldn’t even distinguish the normal warmth he usually received from his mom and uncle Luke. It seemed distant now. Ben didn’t like that at all and pushed his face deeper into the man’s uniform. He smelt of aftershave and strong caf and Ben got a deep sort of comfort from it.

“Thank you! You sent her away, thank you…” Ben mumbled.

“Kylo, I don’t have time for your games. Now please, get back into bed,” He instructed.

Ben looked up at him, confused, “Who?”

“You,” The man insisted. 

Ben shook his head, “That’s not me.”

Ben watched as the man’s brow knitted together in annoyance, “Yes, it is. You’re Kylo Ren.”

“No, my name is Ben,” He emphasized. 

The man snorted, “You haven’t gone by that name for decades Ren. Don’t be foolish.”

“You’re confused. My name isn’t Ren,” Ben explained. 

The other was silent for a moment before he let out a deep sigh, “Alright. Whatever you say Ben. I don’t really have time to argue. Now would you please get back into bed. Your arm is bleeding because of your recklessness and I would rather you not get blood all over the floors.”

Ben hesitated slightly at the man’s harsh tone, unused to being scolded so harshly by a stranger. He then remembered how he had sent the stormtrooper away so quickly and thought perhaps the ginger deserved a bit of his trust. He nodded slowly and crawled back up onto the sheets. 

A droid quickly came over and placed a bacta patch on his forearm, the familiar sting sending Ben into an old memory of the first time he used the Force and accidentally broke one of his mother’s glasses. His uncle had taken out all the little shards in his hands one by one before finally applying the patches.

“Are you still with me Ben?” The man asked.

“Yeah,” Ben replied quickly.

“Can I ask you a question?” The man sat on his bedside now, his body a little less tense.

“Sure.”

“How old are you?” 

“Six,” Ben announced proudly.

The man seemed a little stunned and Ben wasn’t sure why. He wasn’t lying.

Before he could speak again, Ben opened his own mouth, “Can I ask you a question now?”

“Yes,” He replied.

“Where are we? Is this the scary man’s ship? Did he kidnap us?” Ben assumed the man had also been taken away against his will, as he seemed intent on keeping Ben safe and warding off terrifying stormtroopers. 

“Scary man?” He asked.

“Yeah, the one who’s all cold and has those long fingers and stuff,” Ben explained sharply. 

“Supreme Leader Snoke?” He asked slowly.

“Is that his name?” Ben said, almost a whisper as if afraid to confirm it.

The man shrugged, “Perhaps. But I don’t have enough information to know if that’s true or not. But, regardless, we are currently on a star destroyer owned by the First Order. My name is Hux.”

“Hutt?” Ben asked.

“No!” Hux said sharply, “Hux.”

“Why are you here Hutt? Did he get you too?” Ben questioned.

“Kylo, if you’re doing this to mess with me, I would recommend you knock it off immediately,” He hissed.

“I told you! That’s not my name!” Ben exclaimed. 

“No-I work here. I’m a General. And you’re a Knight,” Hux explained. 

“A Knight of what?” Ben asked.

“Of Ren! A Knight of Ren!” Hux practically shouted.

Ben winced at his loud tone, “Sorry. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sorry.”

Hux pinched the bridge of his nose, “No, my mistake.”

“Is he making you be his General?” Ben questioned.

Hux looked at him for a long time and Ben could feel the edge of a decision through the Force-the hesitancy of the man’s emotions. It was a fleeting distraction against the cold that continued to send shivers down his spine, so Ben appreciated it. He didn’t know where that cold was coming from but he knew it was nearby. He had never felt it this strongly before. 

“Yes. He’s forcing me to be his General. My tactical skills are known across the galaxy and he had to have them,” Hux explained.

“Oh! So you’re like this cool command leader? What kind of stuff are you in charge of?” Ben questioned, his mind now hooked on learning as much as he could.

“I-”

His com beeped suddenly and Hux raised it to his mouth, muffling the words spilling out of it as to prevent Ben from hearing them and Ben pouted slightly at being left out. Hux nodded quickly at each syllable, his head a constant, sharp movement of decisions.

“Understood. I’ll be there momentarily,” Hux said.

He stood up and smoothed out some wrinkles in his jacket, hands pulling at the fabric methodically. 

“Where are you going?” Ben questioned.

“The Supreme Leader has requested my presence. I must attend to him,” He turned away from Ben and motioned to the medical droid in the corner, “Give him something to make him sleep.”

“Yes, sir.”

Hux swiftly left the room and Ben felt that cold take up all of his attention once again. At least with Hux here, he had a little bit of a interruption. He hoped Hux came back soon. He didn’t like being left alone.

xx

“Sir?” Phasma was waiting for him when he exited, her tone confused even with the cushioning of her helmet.

“He thinks he’s a six year old child Captain. I believe his mind has been reverted to an earlier state, not that of a child but that of an actual time in his life,” Hux stated quickly. 

“He also thinks his name is Ben and he’s been kidnapped by Supreme Leader Snoke,” He added. 

Phasma was quiet for a moment, a rare occurrence as hardly anything took her off guard, “What did you tell him?”

“I attempted to explain the real circumstances, but he insisted on sticking to his own interpretations so I just let him. As far as we know, this isn’t going to be permanent, but it’s kriffing annoying,” Hux huffed.

Phasma nodded and adjusted her shoulder armor a bit, a nervous habit Hux knew signaled that she was currently calculating her thoughts. It had taken Hux quite a while to figure out how to read her but now they were both on the same wavelength. Mostly. They still occasionally disagreed about how to train soldiers, but Hux didn’t hold it against her. Her knowledge about the battlefield was exquisite. 

Kylo, on the other hand, had never been easy for Hux to read even when he had thought that the Knight was just some pompous brat who was intent on wrecking his entire ship and crew. It wasn’t until they began to talk, exchange ideas and such, that Hux realized he was just some scared, angry man who was actually holding himself back in more ways than one. Of course, that was then. 

Now, Hux had a child on his hands again. Literally. 

He tried to keep his thoughts organized into easy-to-follow sentences, but his irritation with the whole situation and his exhaustion from the earlier chaos had left his mind frayed. He was about to speak to Phasma when he realized he was keeping the Supreme Leader waiting. 

“Blast, I’ve got to go,” Hux said quickly and turned.

As he walked, he shouted to Phasma over his shoulder, “Keep guards on that door round the clock Captain! I don’t want anyone going in or out without my knowledge.”

“Yes sir,” Phasma replied, her wrist to her helmet before Hux had even turned the corridor. 

He wasn’t sure how he was going to deal with this at all. A small part of his mind told him to simply keep Ren locked up until the poison flushed itself out of his system b but the larger part told him that the Knight wasn’t about to be contained, even if he did think he was six. In fact, that might make him even more dangerous. 

The other issue at hand: they’d just started a sexual relationship.

Hux knew this would change how he would view Ren. They had gone from bickering on the bridge to fucking in Hux’s office after his last shift. It hadn’t been that quick of a transition, of course, but it was a way for Hux to let off steam and for Ren to gain some sort of satisfaction (although he usually beat himself up about it later, claiming that attachments of any kind were a detriment to his abilities). Hux didn’t really believe that of course, as Kylo was usually eager to grab Hux by the hips. Also, there’d been a 52% decrease in console damage since they had started their little affair, which was good for the Order. 

Hux told himself this instead of the dread that bubbled up after every time he admired Ren asleep or worried about him when he went on a mission. Hux had been in relationship formerly, yes, but something about Ren was so utterly compelling in a way Hux had never experienced before. He didn’t want this image he had built up to be tarnished by some six year old version of Ren that made Hux’s stomach coil up uncomfortably. He didn’t know how to deal with children and he certainly didn’t want to associate them with Ren while he was on his knees. He pushed this reason forward in his mind, although valid, as to nudge out the real issue at hand (that perhaps he was actually going to miss Kylo).

He, however, did not mention these personal issues to the Supreme Leader during debriefing. Instead, he spoke only of the facts. 

“Keep an eye on him,” Snoke instructed. 

“Of course sir,” Hux replied.

“He may try to escape from what you’ve told me. I would like you to be his personal watchdog until he reverts back to normality. Is that clear General?” Snoke stated.

Hux was in a little bit of shock then, not expecting to actually be put it charge of Ren. He was a General! Not some sort of babysitter. 

“Sir-“

“General,” Snoke’s tone was firm.

Hux bowed his head slightly, cheeks burning with embarrassment and anger, “I’m sorry. Of course.”

He left in a rush, greatcoat flapping out behind him in burst of pure annoyance. How dare the Supreme Leader appoint him to be some sort of glorified child-care provider. He wasn’t a droid! Ren was his lover additionally! He didn’t need that sort of trouble.

Nevertheless, it was an order and he could not disobey it. If his father could see him now he’d probably slap Hux in the face for being so easily ruffled up. He placed his head up against a cool, durasteel wall of the destroyer and took a deep breath. Thankfully, he didn’t have another shift for six hours so he could probably sneak in a nap. 

Ah, but Ren.

He really didn’t want to sleep in a med-bay room. Perhaps he would be fine without Hux for six hours? He couldn’t watch Ren when he was on shift anyhow so-

With that in mind, he made a quick line to his quarters intent on getting as much deep sleep as possible so that he didn’t look like an absolute wreck on the bridge. As he passed the med-bay he spotted the troopers Phasma had posted and nodded at them wearily.

As he punched in the code for his quarters his thumb slipped and messed up the order causing him to have to re-start. He groaned softly; he truly was tired. 

He flung his greatcoat on his bed when he finally entered his room. As he began to take off his boots he brought up the shift schedule on a holopad for the next few days. He’d have to remove Kylo until he recovered of course, otherwise he might shit his pants in front of the entire crew. 

Did six year olds still do that? Hux didn’t know. He’d been raised in stiff collars and a harsh hand since he had been born. 

“What!” He shouted suddenly. 

His name wasn’t anywhere on the duty roster.

Who had taken him off?

Hux huffed and quickly comm’d the only person who would know. 

“Phasma, are you aware that I’ve been removed from duty for the next forty-eight hours?” He asked sharply.

“Yes, I thought it would be best if you didn’t interrupt your duties with Lord Ren,” She explained. 

“You did?” 

“I just changed it actually. I had only been considering it earlier, but the Supreme Leader sent orders that you were to be removed from duty until further notice,” She stated firmly.

He sighed, “Thank you Captain.”

“Of course.”

The comm cut short then, a hiss of noise that echoed throughout his quarters. Hux moaned loudly and fell back on the bed. He could feel a headache itching at the back of his eyes; the kind he only ever experienced when he was truly wrapped up in things. 

Ah shit. 

xx

Ben awoke to more grey but this time the room had been dimmed. He wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep but he knew it must’ve been a while because his eyes were all sticky. He yawned loudly and noticed that the IV had been taken out of his arm while he had been sleeping because his arm was all bandaged up.

They weren’t covered with scratches though, which was odd. He thought that maybe because he was so close to that man, he couldn’t have nightmares anymore. They were already here.

He shivered again as the coldness erased the last dredges of sleep in his body. 

His mind flashed with images of the General. Of the slave General, he reminded himself.

They had to break out. Get away from the man. Together, they could probably do it too! Hux had lots of access to ships so they could steal a cool one and head out of here. Of course, he wasn’t exactly sure how to get back to his mom, but he knew she was somewhere in the galaxy. And she could sense him just as he could sense her. 

He flipped his feet over the side of the bed, toes flinching slightly when they touched the frigid durasteel floors. That was odd, his feet were a little bigger than he thought they ought to be. He moved a hand up, dragging it over his cheeks and nose and lips and-wow that was a lot of hair on his head. He didn’t expect that.

If only this place had viewports, he mused, then he could’ve caught a glance at himself.

He was dressed only in flimsy, medical gown but that was alright. He’d find better clothes later. It didn’t really matter if they were escaping anyways. The room was devoid of basically any light except for a view, faded overview lights. His hands slid around the walls before he found the adjuster. Bright, overbearing white flooded the room and he smiled a little. He didn’t like the dark. 

The door was sealed tight and Ben could kind of sense two people outside. He was still pretty new to this whole Force thing after all. Still, he could tell that there were probably two people outside. And that they were calm right now. That was good, it meant that they didn’t think he was a threat. 

He took a deep breath before pounding on the door loudly. Huh, he hadn’t realized he was this tall. 

“Hey! Hey!” He shouted.

There was no answer.

“I wanna talk to Hutt!” He demanded. 

Still, silence.

“Come on! Please!” He pleaded. 

“Sir, there are no Hutts on this ship. Do you want us to call the General?” A woman’s voice met him, muffled slightly by some sort of mask or whatnot (it was probably a trooper!).

“Yeah! Bring the General!” He said loudly.

There was silence again before Ben heard some hushed discussion and the crisp click of the General’s speech coming in through a comm. He smiled. Good, the first step in his plan was done.

Well, it wasn’t really a plan. He was kind of thinking it up as he went along, which was basically a plan. Yeah. 

It was a few moments before Ben felt the hovering presence of the General outside his door. It slipped open and he walked in, dressed only in a crumpled sleep outfit with his big boots on. Ben snorted a bit at how silly it looked. 

“What is it Ben?” He asked.

Ben fidgeted a little, “Well, I was thinking about our escape.”

“Our escape? You called me here for that? ” He questioned.

“Well yeah! I mean, we’ve both been kidnapped so obviously we need to escape,” Ben explained as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

Hux smiled softly and moved to sit on the bed behind Kylo (who quickly joined him), “Yeah? You’re pretty confident for a six year old kid.”

Ben shrugged, “I think I get it from my dad. I mean, uncle Luke says I’m very gifted too.”

Hux seemed to bristle at the mention of his uncle but Ben ignored that as the General began to speak again, “Does he? I’m sure he’s right then. Luke Skywalker is quite wise, I’ve heard.”

“Ah yeah,” Ben rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “He’s a little famous.” 

Hux nodded, “Well, I applaud your sense of urgency but I’ve been here a long time and I’ve never left. Besides, it’s late. You should be asleep.” 

“I just woke up!” Ben protested, “And this room is too cold.”

Hux looked a little perplexed, “It’s not below standard temperature.”

“Not that type of cold. It’s the cold you feel under your skin and stuff. Like you can’t get rid of it,” Ben told him.

“Hmm,” Hux mused.

Hux stood up then and stretched, “Well I’m tired. I’m going back to bed.”

“Can I come to your room?” Ben asked suddenly, his mouth open before he realized it.

Hux paused and looked back at him, his face a mixture of hesitation and fatigue.

He sighed finally, “Yeah, sure. Come on.”

Ben’s face lit up happily and he swung his legs off the bed again, still a little stunned when they hit the ground as quickly as they did. He really did need to find a viewport or something. Hux regarded him for a moment before they were off, Hux’s hand in his (as Ben insisted they must).

He tried to look strong in front of the two troopers guarding their door and they seemed nonplussed at his exit (which was good, he hoped). He kept his chin up as they walked towards Hux’s quarters. The ship was huge, Ben discovered. All durasteel and black lining and troopers. He had never seen anything like it; yet, it felt oddly familiar. He wondered if he had maybe seen pieces of it in his nightmares.

As Hux typed in his passcode, Ben took the time to look down at his big feet again.

Hux pulled him into his quarters a little more roughly than Ben had been expecting but he didn’t honestly care. It was better than being in that weird, grey room. Hux yawned loudly again and popped his knuckles. Ben watched all of this with interest before he spotted a viewport on the far side of the room. It was covered with blinds and before Hux could stop him he had hurried over to the remote and activated them to pull up. He needed to see himself.

“Whoa….”

He looked like an adult! His hair was way too long though. He was tall and slender and all sharp looking. Maybe he had been teleported into an alternative universe? Or the future? Was this the future? He couldn’t tell anymore. 

“Hutt!” He exclaimed, “I’m huge!”

“It’s Hux, brat,” Hux said sharply, “And of course you are.”

“But I don’t remember ever looking this big. I’m only six,” Ben said.

Hux was quiet for a moment before he shrugged and turned to take off his boots, “Maybe the Supreme Leader altered your appearance so it would be more difficult to find you.”

Ah, that made sense! Ben felt a renewed sense of satisfaction. He had trusted the right man.

“You think so?” Ben asked.

Hux nodded lazily as he crawled into bed, his body curling into the covers, “Yeah. Probably.”

“Where am I going to sleep?” Ben questioned after a moment.

Hux raised his head, “I’ll call for a cot.”

“No-! I mean-you don’t need to-I can sleep-”

“It’s not an issue. It’ll only take a moment,” Hux stated, his fingers already moving over the nearest holopad to request the item in question.

Ben’s mouth flattened a little but nodded. 

It came in a few minutes but Hux was already nodding off. Ben thought he must be really tired then. They’d have to discuss their escape plans after he’d managed to get some sleep.

As Ben crawled into bed he heard Hux’s breathing even out. 

He buried his face into his pillow, mind still buzzing but afraid of waking the General up. 

At least he couldn’t have nightmares while awake.

xx

Hux’s alarm clock was unfairly loud.

He slammed his fist against the side of his table to stop the unforgiving drone. Kylo just shuffled around on his bed before snuffling loudly in his sleep. Hux was glad he hadn’t woken up. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to play more “kidnapped General” just yet. He had barely scraped by before as Kylo was quick to talk and he was hoping he wouldn’t have to do it again soon.

He looked a little less tired when he caught a glance of himself in the mirror but he still applied a light covering of foundation before he left for his shift (it was First Order grade-given out to every officer). Kylo let out a little string of sharp noises just as Hux was leaving. It was almost adorable. He wished he had more time to stay because he would’ve definitely used that as blackmail material. 

He made it about halfway down the hall when he realized he’d forgotten he was off duty. 

“Blast, I forgot to reset my alarm system,” Hux muttered angrily as he stomped back to his room.

When he arrived back Kylo was up even though he’d only been gone a few moments. 

He turned to him, eyes slightly watery but expression tough. Hux took a deep breath before speaking. 

“What’s going on?” Hux asked. 

“I do-I can’t feel my mom very well. It’s too cold in here, I can-can’t feel anything,” Kylo complained, his words very small. 

Hux frowned deeply this time, still just as perplexed as when Kylo had attempted to explain this odd temperature sensation to him the first time. He was not one for ambiguous impressions. 

“She’s probably fine,” Hux said as a means to ease his distress. 

(He in fact knew that General Organa was just fine as she had been spotted on Ryloth a few rotations ago attempting to drum up more support). 

“Yeah, you’re right. But-I still can’t feel her very well. Or my uncle. Or anyone,” Kylo spoke the last words as a whisper, the very thought sending him practically silent.

Hux was not good at comforting. His father had never comforted him and he didn’t believe in coddling people until they felt better. Life was hard; the galaxy was a rough place. It didn’t pick you up after it slapped you down. You had to learn to do that on your own. Still, it was difficult for Hux to just lay down and sleep when Kylo was still regarding him with those big, confused eyes. The man had wiggled his way under Hux’s skin.

Now, he realized, he would forever associate this image of Kylo Ren, right now, with any Kylo Ren in the future. He tried to smudge it out his mind, but he knew that it would stay for a very long time. He grimaced.

“What’s wrong?” Kylo asked.

“Nothing,” Hux waved him off, “Just tired.”

“Are you sick?” Kylo asked. 

Hux’s headache ached, as if on queue, “Just a headache. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

Kylo chewed on his bottom lip while he contemplated his (obviously) heavy response. Hux crossed his arms in front of his chest, slightly curious as to what Kylo was grappling with. The lip was released as Kylo spoke again, this time a little less forward with his words than before. 

“Do you wanna try mediating? I’m not very good at it, but my uncle says it’s good for when you’re stressed out or tired. You just sit down and close your eyes and think about stuff. And you don’t need to be with the Force or anything,” Kylo explained.

Hux really didn’t want to try mediating but Kylo was so worked up and mediating just sounded like goddamn sleep anyways, so he nodded in agreement. Kylo’s face lit up in a grin, one that Hux had never seen before.

It was gorgeous, simply put. Hux had caught small smiles and hints of smirks but never a full-blown, teeth-baring grin like the one Kylo was shining at him now. He had certainly not seen the man so jovial even if it was only a fleeting glance of mirth. It quickly faded as Kylo came over to sit crossed legged on his cot, gesturing at Hux to do the same on his own bed. Hux felt a pang of loss for that grin as it disappeared, knowing that he will probably never see it again.

God, he was truly a fool.

Hux did as asked, his knees creaking in protest as he shuffled them around to the proper position. Kylo already had his eyes closed and was breathing deeply so Hux did the same. He heard Kylo’s words about practicing proper thought techniques to really get him in the mood, but the sentences were so hesitant that Hux could recognize Kylo had only just learned them (in his mind).

Was this really one of the pillars of the Jedi? Hux wondered, his mind feeling sluggish from sitting and doing nothing for so long. 

So far, he had achieved nothing but stimulating his brain with thoughts of Kylo. He felt his earlier fatigue nip at his mind but he couldn’t seem to grasp onto it. He should just try falling asleep. He doubted Kylo would blame him if he slipped into slumber anyhow. Hux dropped into his usual sleep rhythm of reviewing the upcoming plans for finishing Starkiller Base, his thoughts a constant cycle of schematics, weapons, and designs. 

He was almost asleep when he heard a soft whimper. However, it was loud enough to bring his mind out of the groggy first stages of sleep to listen. Kylo was shifting somewhere around him, letting out sounds of distress. He went silent for a moment and Hux almost turned his attention off when he heard a loud thud that sent big bang into Hux’s head. 

With his headache now renewed his eyes shot open to find Kylo on the floor, curled up on himself. 

“Fuck,” He mumbled.

“Please,” Kylo begged, “Get out of my head. I-I’m already you-your’s. G-get-get out of my he-head.”

“Ky-Ben,” Hux began, now on his hands and knees near Kylo’s side.

It was so strange to see the normally rigid, easily angered Kylo Ren reduced to an emotional mess. Hux took the sight in little pieces; it was easier to process that way. Kylo let out another gargle of sobs before he took a deep, sharp breath. Hux found himself holding his own waiting for Kylo to release.

Suddenly he did and words came along with it, “D-ad will come back. H-he’s just b-b-busy. Y-y-you don-don’t know an-anything!” 

“I won-won’t hate him!” Kylo shouted loudly. 

There was only a split second before Hux was knocked onto his butt. He heard the walls creak and crack as Kylo’s emotions burst out of him. The pressure was enormous, as if a TIE fighter had actually landed on his chest. Shit, he’d better get the kid calmed down soon or he’d crack the viewport wide open and kill them both.

“Ben!” Hux shouted, his body still struggling.

Kylo continued to rock, the intensity only rising with each moment. 

“Ben! Ben snap out of it! Come back! Ben!” Hux yelled. 

The air stilled for a split second and Hux almost believed he was dying when suddenly that pressure lifted and he gasped. Hux coughed several times, still trying to rid himself of the sensation of being terribly constricted. He had never been the victim of Kylo’s abilities, but now he knew why the Supreme Leader kept him around. 

But at this point, Kylo was nothing but a collection of hiccups. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Kylo said. 

“It’s okay,” Hux reassured him instantly.

A little quick? Hux frowned at his actions. He should’ve chewed the kid out for being so reckless. 

Kylo shook his head, “No-No it’s not.”

He looked up now, wiping the tears with his sleeves. Hux distantly reminded himself to retrieve some of Kylo’s robes for him next time he got the chance, “Sometimes he comes into my head and-and he’s really scary. He tells me all sorts of scary things.”

“Yeah?” Hux questioned.

Kylo nodded, “Yeah. I didn’t think he’d do it now cuz he kidnapped me. But-but he’s still there.”

Hux was dangerously curious, “What does he tell you?”

Kylo looked at him for a moment before he spoke again, “That my mom and dad don’t love me. That uncle Luke is disappointed in me. That I’ll always be weak.”

Hux felt something inside him shift and he realized it was pity. He had always been aware that Kylo was constantly living in one of the worst mental states Hux had ever encountered, but he didn’t know it had started from such a young age. He had assumed Kylo had joined the Order out of his goals to see the galaxy restored to it’s rightful state as Hux had. He didn’t know-

But he shouldn’t question the decisions of the Supreme Leader. Obviously, he was right. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Hux said hastily, unsure of what else he should say.

“Thanks,” Kylo mumbled, “I’m kinda used to it.”

“Mm,” Hux replied, still feeling dreadfully out of place in the whole “comforting” thing. 

Kylo was silent before he picked himself up and surveyed the room, his eyes drawn up in sadness as he took in the damage. Hux watched as he carefully crawled back into his cot and wrapped himself up. When he spoke again it was muffled greatly by the blankets he had stuffed his head into. It was funny; he still did that as an adult. 

“Sorry I wrecked your room,” Kylo apologized. 

Hux shrugged, too tired and strung out to care, “I wouldn’t worry about it. We’ll have some droid clean it later.”

As he got into bed himself he was at least grateful no shifts meant more sleep. 

He slept soundly with Kylo nearby.

xx

“Did you see? Knots and Sevens said they saw the General leaving with Lord Ren hand in hand! And that a cot was delivered to his bedroom later that evening!” Hux caught the edges of gossip from his seat in the cafeteria. 

“What really?” 

“Why would they need a cot if they’re fucking? I mean, wouldn’t you just stay in the same bed?” 

“Maybe the General is a huge tight-ass about it. I could see him being pretty grumpy in bed.”

A chorus of giggles broke out and Hux grimaced. He stood up then, loud enough to grab their attention, and sent them all scathing looks that spoke of “you’re going on report for that,” that had them shrinking back in their seats.

This really was troublesome. 

xx

It had been forty hours since then and nothing had changed. 

Hux was due for his first shift from being off duty (thank goodness; his hands were beginning to become absolutely livid at him for using his time to review the new proposals for the upcoming TIE models). 

Kylo had mostly hung around in his room all day. He still tried to push their great escape on Hux, who just dismissed it with an excuse each time, but he mostly just sat around and talked to Hux. His words were typically empty but they served as good background noise. 

(Hux would never admit that he enjoyed hearing that voice, deep and rich, that he often never heard because of that blasted mask). 

But this couldn’t continue. Hux was at the end of his rope. Kylo needed to change back. He was considering consulting the Supreme Leader today, hopefully before Kylo could do any damage on his own. 

“Why do you have to go?” Kylo whined. 

“Because,” Hux said as he combed his hair back, “The Supreme Leader has requested I return to duty.”

“The man? He shouldn’t be using you like this,” Kylo stated firmly.

Hux sighed elaborately, “I know, my prowess is too much of a risk.”

He did have to admit though, that their little story was entertaining at times. Kylo shook his head and sat on the floor, his back up against the viewport. He claimed he preferred that spot in the room the most because it felt closest to the stars and his mother was on one of them surely. Hux didn’t really understand that logic, but he didn’t ask Kylo to move either. 

“I’ll be back,” Hux told him, “Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

“Hmm,” Kylo replied, his face now turned.

Hux left in a rush wondering if maybe when he returned, he’d come back to the Kylo Ren he knew so well. He hoped as much. 

Kylo, of course, did not stick to Huxs’ advice.

He was at the very end of his shift, sipping on a cup of caf, when an alarm rang out across the bridge. He just knew it was Kylo. He took a deep breath and received the message from FN-2187, a steady voice in the midst of the confusion he discerned was unfolding. 

“Sir, Lord Ren is attempting to steal a TIE,” He explained.

“Where is he now?” Hux asked.

“Still in the TIE, but he hasn’t managed to activate it yet for some reason,” FN-2187 stated.

“He’s forgotten how to fly, what a blessing,” Hux whispered. 

“What was that sir?” FN-2187 asked.

Hux dismissed him, “Nothing. I’ll be down there in a moment. Clear the exit hallways from the hanger in sectors eight and six. Lord Ren is suffering from an illness at the moment and I do not want any more witnesses to his delusional behavior. I expect you to be discrete, understood?”

“Of course sir.”

Hux stomped down the hallway and as he entered the lift to take him to the hanger, he wondered just how long he would be doing this escapade. He never expected this of his life. He had always assumed it would go as planned, as his father had ordered it to be. Kylo Ren had not been calculated.

As FN-2187 had described, Kylo had indeed locked himself up in a TIE looking rather distressed. Hux was at least grateful he wasn’t in his medical gowns still as that would’ve been even more difficult to explain away. Kylo looked up at him as he entered the room immediately as if he knew Hux was going to be there moments before he was. Hux distantly reminded himself that he probably did. 

The area had been cleared of mostly all troopers and officers and Hux made a note to tell Phasma to keep her eye on FN-2187. He may be a diamond in the rough. FN-2187 was standing nearby, his hands on his blaster and posture proper. Hux nodded to him briefly before approaching the TIE (Kylo had picked the one of the bottom rack-of course) and motioning to Kylo to get out of it.

Kylo’s eyes flickered to FN-2187, obviously hesitant.

Hux spoke this time, “Ren, get out of there.”

He would not use ‘Ben’ around the soldiers. 

Kylo hesitated again and shook his head. 

“Ren,” Hux said again, this time a little more fiercely.

He didn’t really want to scold Ren out in public, but if that’s what it took than he would have to muster up his words. 

“Ren, please. We can talk about this,” Hux instructed. 

“Not with him out there,” Kylo said. 

“We’ll go somewhere else. But you’re not going anywhere in that TIE Ren and neither am I. Come on,” Hux coaxed.

Kylo took his lip between his teeth again and Hux wondered why that nervous habit hadn’t transferred to adulthood. Hux had never seen him use it before. Kylo looked around the inside of the TIE several times, as if contemplating using it before his gaze flickered to Hux once more. He regarded Hux for a long time before there was the familiar click of the TIE opening up.

Kylo swung his body out of the ship and landed (unfairly) gracefully in front of Hux’s feet. He looked at Hux and outstretched his hand and Hux took it begrudgingly.

Hux knew this behavior was not going to be tolerated much longer. Hux couldn’t waste any more time away from his duties and Kylo needed to return. Rumors were blossoming, the ship was in a tizzy of confusion, and the Supreme Leader was not to be kept waiting. All of these thoughts swirled around in Hux’s head at the same time he was contemplating how warm Kylo’s hand felt in his. 

“Thank you FN-2187,” Hux said as they turned into the earlier mentioned corridors.

He saluted. 

Hux could tell Kylo felt ashamed of being caught; he didn’t need to be Force sensitive to understand that. Kylo’s fingers shifted down and wrapped themselves around his wrist. Hux stopped his walk and turned to Kylo now.

Kylo’s gaze was downcast. 

“Ben,” Hux started, “Why did you do that?”

“I-I dunno. I thought it was a good idea. I didn’t think the insides would be so hard to use,” Kylo defended.

Hux sighed, “You shouldn’t have left the room.”

Kylo looked at him angrily, the first sign of real Kylo Ren emotion Hux had seen in ages, “Why are you so passive about it! You’ve obviously got the skills to escape, why don’t you!”

Hux frowned, not appreciating being yelled at. He regarded Kylo again, the kid still fuming, and made a quick decision. He had had enough of all this. He was no longer going to play the act. He wanted his Kylo back and he wanted him back now. He desperately rationalized this as a need to restore order but he knew deep down he missed the Kylo he had finally let into his life. 

Kylo began to protest as Hux began to walk again, this time with his grip keeping Kylo in check. They quickly navigated the halls, breaking out of the small containment Hux had ordered earlier as to make the cross to the Supreme Leader’s audience chambers. Hux needed Kylo now. Not this strange, pre-Ren substitute. Not a child begging for his mother. 

He stormed into the room and felt Kylo tug at their grip, his feet digging into the floor.

“No! Why did you take us here! It’s cold! No! No! I don’t want to be in here! Get me out of here!” Kylo screamed.

The weight on Hux’s arm slipped down and Hux stopped. Kylo had fallen to his knees with his other hand pawing uselessly at Hux’s firm grip on his arm. Hux huffed in annoyance and pulled but Kylo (even if he believed he was small) was still much more dense that Hux could ever hope to be. He groaned as Kylo refused to budge, his screams only getting more intense.

“General,” Snoke appeared, “What is this?”

“No!” Kylo shrieked, “I-It’s him! Hux, he-he’ll kill you. I want to go. Don’t make me stay Hux, don’t make me stay here with him. Pl-please. It’s too cold Hux. I’m gonna freeze and die.”

His words were desperate and hot. They pierced into Hux’s heart harshly and Hux felt regret bubble up in his chest for bringing so much angst onto the boy. He quickly reminded himself that this was for his own good. 

Snoke shifted a little, still waiting for Hux to respond.

Hux ripped his eyes away from Kylo to do so, “As you can see Supreme Leader, he still believes he’s a child. Medical reports said that the poison should wear off in two days but he has yet to revert. I don’t know what else to do.”

Snoke was silent before he raised his hand, ushering them closer.

“Hux!” Kylo shouted, “Don’t you feel that? He’s-”

Kylo shrieked loudly as he was pulled away from Hux and up into the air. His feet kicked uselessly and his hands came to his neck as if protecting it. Hux could hear his broken sobs echo throughout the chamber and more guilt pooled in his stomach. He didn’t understand this, he shouldn’t feel this way! Why, why was it like this? Why had he allowed Kylo Ren into his life?

He looked away, unwilling to witness anymore.

“Hux-Hux help me. Pl-please!” Kylo begged, “He’s got me-he’s going to-”

“Quiet Ren. Open your mind,” Snoke instructed. 

“Stop! Don’t come in! Get out! Get out, get out, and get out!” 

Hux raised a hand to his mouth as a wave of sickness crashed into him. Maybe he should’ve waited. Perhaps the poison would have worn off in the next few hours. He should not have been so impatient; so desperate to have his lover back at his side. He had been foolish.

Kylo let out another ragged gasp before silencing completely.

Snoke held him there for a while and his hands slipped off his neck to dangle limply by his sides. 

He was laid down as Snoke released his grip and Hux winced as Kylo’s body hit the floor. Snoke gave him a long look and Hux hurried to readjust his expression. 

“Are you alright, General? Don’t let your emotions get the best of you,” Snoke stated.

“I’m fine,” Hux choked out, “My apologies.”

“I hope you are correct,” Snoke replied slowly.

“If,” He motioned to Kylo, “that did not fix his mind then perhaps you may want to begin arrangements for more scouting.”

“I hope it doesn’t come to that,” Hux replied.

“As do I.”

xx

Hux’s mind was still whirling when Kylo entered his quarters. 

His thoughts were wrapped up in what he had seen the day before. Kylo’s cries had kept him from sleep and he wondered, in a hollow sort of way, when he had become this attached. Kylo had always complained of this too-as a Knight he shouldn’t become invested in people.

Yet, they seemed to be intertwined now. 

Hux looked up from his desk, hands stilling on his work. Kylo removed his mask and held it awkwardly in his arms as if he was unsure of it’s existence. Hux could sense he wanted to say something, but it seemed he was unable to express it. Hux took a deep breath.

“What is it Kylo?” He asked.

“I wanted to-” Kylo began, “Apologize for earlier. I wasn’t in my right mind.”

Hux snorted, “I should hope not Ben.”

Kylo visibly flinched and Hux’s lips curled up in discomfort, “Sorry,” He spit out quickly. 

“It’s alright,” Kylo replied, “That’s just a name I no longer respond to.”

“Right. Of course, my mistake,” Hux’s sentences were shaky-he didn’t mean to upset him.

Kylo looked away for a moment before speaking, “I also wanted to thank you for looking after me. There are whispers but-I appreciate your concern.”

“Whispers of what Kylo?” Hux asked.

Kylo seemed to go red at that, “That our relationship is a little more…intimate than it should be.”

“Isn’t it?” Hux retorted.

“Yes-but-”

Hux stood up now, his hands on his hips, “Did you come here to cut off that relationship?”

Kylo shook his head and swore under his breath in fierce Huttese. Hux watched, his heart pounding as he waited for Kylo to reply. He felt like he might faint all of a sudden as nausea overtook his stomach and made his head spin. Why, why had he let this happen?

“No!” Kylo exclaimed suddenly, “I didn’t come to break it off. That’s what bothers me Hux. I’m-I’m too committed to you.”

“Kylo-I-”

“Hux,” Kylo took several steps so that they were facing each other. He placed his mask on the desk and Hux was overjoyed that those hands were finally free to cup his cheeks. Kylo’s gloves were cold against his face, but he didn’t mind. 

“I keep picturing you crying as the Supreme Leader held you up. I keep seeing your pain and it hurts me. Kylo, what have you done?” Hux babbled.

Kylo pulled him close and buried his face into Hux’s shoulder. The behavior sent flashes of that child into Hux’s mind who did the same only a few days earlier. Somewhere, in the midst of this, it had only emphasized Hux’s care for Ren. He let his hands grasp Kylo’s jacket roughly, his fingers digging in as deep as they could.

“You damned fool,” Hux whispered harshly.

“I know,” Kylo replied, “What will we do?”

Hux pushed Kylo off his shoulder and kissed him fiercely. Their mouths burned as they clashed and Hux moaned, letting his hands slip down to grasp Kylo’s hips. 

“Add fuel to the flames,” Hux broke away, “What else can we do?”

**Author's Note:**

> Leave your thoughts in the comments and don't forget to give a kudo-!


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